I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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