someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
If I die, sorry about rent.
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