i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
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at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
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He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
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