I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize