Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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