the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Sacagawea was the original milf.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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