He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
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My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
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But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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