i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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