My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
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There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
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There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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