sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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