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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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