Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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