Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize