I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
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I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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