I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize