I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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