All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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