Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize