Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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