guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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