you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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