I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
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I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
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There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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