I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
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81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
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I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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