Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize