Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Shame is for Republicans.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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