It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize