tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
two words: eviction party
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
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Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
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At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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