haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize