Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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