I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize