my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
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New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
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I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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