I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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