I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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