Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
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his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
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I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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