the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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