Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
my poor anus
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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