Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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