My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize