sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
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He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
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I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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