My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Non-Jews are for practice
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
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I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
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She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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