For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize