Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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