i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize