if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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