I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
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I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
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Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
and you fell through a lawn chair
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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