you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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