When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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