He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize