My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
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That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
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I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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