I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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