very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize